✨ the akashic records: our cosmic AI in the sky (2024)

the akashic records 100% sounded fake af to me when i first heard about it. i mean, it is fake, but so are credit scores &income tax &the 40-hour work week. turns out, anything that you choose to give a lot of time, energy &attention, while acting as if it’s real ✨magically💫 makes things appear in your material reality!

like i so eloquently wrote in my previous newsletter, you’re free to believe whatever tf you want in this life. today, i’m going to tell you about a very Kool Thing that can have a wildly positive &uplifting 👼🏿 impact on your sense of self!

akasha who???

the word akasha = aether, or spirit. 👻 according to Wikipedia, aether is “the basis and essence of all things in the material world” lol, okay, WHATEVER THAT MEANS. basically, how i picture aether is similar to radio waves. we can’t physically see radio 📡 waves floating thru the air, but they exist &those waves carry information. likewise, aether—or akasha—is an unseen element (widely understood as the 5th element) that exists all around us &is essentially the base material for everything we create. if we are little fishes 🐟, akasha is the invisible water we’re all swimming in. there is nothing physical 🪨 in this reality that wasn’t first part of the aether. it’s the stuff of imagination. if an idea exists in the aether, it’s available to be brought into the physical world, with the help of the four other elements1 of reality creation.

sure, sure, sure…so about these records?

alright, so this modern idea of a record of information existing within the aether, or akasha, originated in the late 19th century, during a wildly expansive period of Western occultism2. much of the 1960s/1970s American New Age, woo-woo bullshit can be linked to this era of Premium Occult Quackery &we need to be thankful because these people’s ideas are helping us escape from the prison matrix &bring about New Earth 🌍, my friends.

i don’t know what to tell you, except there’s like this great, big, invisible library in the sky—in the aether—where you &i &your mother can all, like, grab 🫳🏿 information. the akashic records are said to contain data about everything &everyone on every timeline ever &holds all of the secrets one might imagine this vast, dark universe that has existed for millennia would contain. 😵‍💫

okay, but, like, what kind of information?

yeah, so, you know how when you go to Google &type, like, “what are these floaty things in my eye about?” and there’s a streamlined ✨AI answer at the top of the results page, telling you you’re probably gonna die, this is definitely the end, but also maybe consult your doctor or some shit? yeah, that’s the type of stuff you can ask the akashic records as well.

except, usually, people ask more ~existential &esoteric~ questions. stuff like, “will people still have 🥂Freak Offs🤪 now that Diddy is in jail?” or “what information do i need to know about my past lives?” or “what is my purpose on earth rn?” or “what is the next step i need to take in order to align with my True Will?” or “who tf is my Holy Guardian Angel &can that mf’er please help me get a new job where i don’t wanna cuss my boss out every five minutes?” 💩 like that. things you would ask Google, but also things you would ask God 🧙🏿‍♂️ if God was purely benevolent &not just, like, sitting around waiting to catch you masturbating 🍆 before marriage 💍 or whatever tf.

so how do i talk to this akasha chick? 🐣

okay, so this is the fun part. there’s no rule book to any of this. my goal is to casually &irreverently share ideas that have been around for literal centuries &present them to you in a way that doesn’t require you to become this woman or this gentleman. if you explore the topic of the akashic records anywhere online, you’ll get a variety of methods to hit up my girl akasha, but truly, the only requirements are to chill tf out.

sit or lay down somewhere comfortable, somewhere quiet, &then caaaaaaaalm dooooown. if you can handle it, a particularly potent THC-adjacent edible 🍬 from your local shady vape shop dealer can help if you happen to have a hard time relaxing. whatever gets you there, friend. 🙏🏿

solitude + quiet + calm + close yr eyes = yr ready for your appointment with miss Akasha &her records!!!!

once yr vibing in the dark, just ask to see your (yes, you have your own book in the records that is all about You &Your particular shit!) Akashic record &then see what happens. Jung Carl calls it active imagination. yr allowing your subconscious3 mind to communicate mysterious &possibly spooky 🙀 information about yourself to you &loving/trusting yrself enough to go along with it. don’t freak out! if you let yourself trust 🤝🏿 that your imagination &intuition can never be Wrong, but are simply a symbolic reflection of YOU at any given moment…you’ll be good!

for those of us who may not be that well aquainted with trusting random messages from our subconscious yet, it may take a few (or several) trips to the akashic records to begin receiving any useful info. but trust, it’s there for you &if you keep at it, have patience &grace with yourself, you’ll start to receive some insight.

what if i get a message from the Records that’s, like, really bad actually?

alright Dahmer, i’m gonna give it to you straight: humans are animals. we are made of chaos stars. if someone wants to claim a demonic dog commanded them to kill people, they can, but we all know the truth. people who wanna sow destruction, will reap destruction—no demon 🐶 necessary.

SO much of magickal work is about going within &learning about yourself in order to get better at creating what you want in the Real World. it’s NOT really about growing ridiculous eyebrows &becoming the sinister court jester of the Satanic Panic. it’s also not about telling people how an Egyptian god whispered in your ear &told you to usher in a new Aeon (tho we owe so much to that man, don’t we?). it IS about discovering what sort of crazy, kooky bullshit is going on in that dome of yours, bravely sorting thru it, then seeing what kind of impressive &rare gems 💎 may be hiding behind the demon that’s suggesting you need to bring about a race war named after a song written by your favorite band.

if in doubt, just don’t take yourself that seriously. OR, take yourself seriously enough to have a lot of fun &interesting new experiences, but not seriously enough to start committing violent crimes. i mean…unless that’s what you wanted all along. Joker, is that you?

damn, i’m tired of all this yapping. hope you liked this one. next week’s newsletter i’ll be doing a quick little exploration of 👻👹tHe GoeTIc DeMOns!!! oooaaaoOoOOaaahhhhHHH!!!

stay tuned 😛